Before I existed

A long long time ago...
In another country not so far away..._
My grandmother raised 6 children alone
In a house with a dirt floor.

She worked for many years
As a seamstress in a factory
She would sew her children clothes
Even my father worked there for a while

My father was the only one
To be given an opportunity
To leave the country
And pursue an Engineering degree

He faced his own challenges
Coming to an english speaking country
To learn engineering
To be the first in his family

He worked for many years
Supporting his family members
Sacrificing all his best years
So that others could be happy

Existence

I have always felt some inner strength that I cannot describe. Whatever I am doing, I am fully present and invested. It was not until the last several years that I realized the gravity of my unique situation. I am a descendant of fighters and inner strength. I don't want to marry some rich guy and fly by the coat-tails of someone else's legacy. I want my own path.

As a female of partial minority descent, it's been really confusing and quite a journey. I feel like most of my life I have been going against the grain while trying to flow with others' wisdom.

Here are the societal pressures I faced as a young person:

• Go to college
• Get a degree
• Be skinny and beautiful
• Marry a successful person
• Have a family of your own
• Basically, exceed every possible societal expectation with flying colors

It derailed me and I was constantly confused and always felt like I wasn't enough or wasn't doing enough. I would not recommend this list for anyone. Because life is what you make it, not what someone else says it should be. (A lesson learned much later)

One of my first jobs that interviewed me:
Interviewer: "Are you Anna Villarreal?"
Me: "Yes..."
Interviewer: "I thought you were going to be Mexican."

It was at this point that I knew getting an interview was going to be just a little bit harder than everyone else, the rest of my life, just because of my name, and being female. (And notably this pushes me to try harder... not less!)

I went to college because I was told that's the next step, and so I did. I changed my major 5 times, ultimately graduating with a B.S. in Nutrition and dietetics. But my GPA was not high enough to go on for a masters because I kept changing my major and became derailed.

let degreeChoices = [fine art,
meteorology,
green engineering,
graphic design,
nutrition]

What a confusing college journey

Now that i'm feeling lost, at least I have a giant pile of student loans. XD My advice to anyone in college is to just pick something and stick with it. Do not hop around like I did. My biggest problem is that I like everything.

The most valuable thing I got from college, is that I am capable of learning anything I want if I just try. I also learned that many people do not share the passion or drive that I hold when I become fully invested in something. I often become group leader without really asking for it. XD

After college, I started my small business, selling art I made at local venues. It escalated, and I now sell my art at events (music festivals, farmers markets) and have an Etsy shop where I sell clothing featuring some of my designs.

Fun, but not a reliable income. (starving artist, anyone?) I have moved many times and been uprooted a lot. I have traveled the country with my business. I am tired of investing so much for not so much. I have a daughter and family members that also need help in multiple ways. What can be done?

Mini Stories

When I was little my brother and I would fight over the computer. I have a permanent scar from him ripping a motherboard out from under my elbow, prickly-side up. I was trying to keep it from him because I wanted a turn to look at it. My determination has given me a permanent scar, as life does. I think I became uncomfortable around him after that and sort of just let him take all the cool stuff.

Just for humor: When my dad first brought a computer home my brother had an outrage at 6 years old: "That computer is supposed to be MINE! You know I wanted one!" My mom tells me many years later that she was holding back from busting out laughing. To give my brother some credit he has grown up to be very intelligent and travels the country working remotely and is extremely skilled at guitar. Kudos to him.

I remember in high school I opted for an HTML class. Now, this was during the peek of myspace. I can tell you, I absolutely loved it. I did really well, but the rest of my high school experience was very unhinged. I got the opportunity to take not-for-credit classes at the University of Art in San Fransisco for video game design and 3D modeling using maya. IT WAS THE COOLEST THING EVER for a 16/17 year old to do. I also did very well. The instructor commented on my physique because I was also in high school wrestling (a tomboy, and not afraid) and I could have probably taken out the whole class at that point, not to be cocky XD.

Enough story time. Bottom line, I want to make a meaningful impact using my natural skill set: Art, computers, helping people, leadership. I also need to be able to sustain myself. That's where I'm at now.

Having the knowledge of my ancestral fights paired with my own, I know I am a fighter. I know the sacrifices that have been made. The only way I would fail is to NOT try. Now, after many derailments, I find myself back in computer land, forging a new path. The torch is passed to continue to be a fighter for the people that follow me.

Us millennials, we are the bridge to cross the old world with the new tech-fueled economy. It's our job to reinforce inclusion, respect, and understanding in the workplace. To pave the path for a brighter future, and fight the good fight for others that need us. It's important for us to be strong - and we can do that by remembering, and hold something that is bigger than us close to our hearts.

Be grateful for what you DO have, and discover natural determination to achieve your goals.

Best of luck. <3